Full screen recommended.
“From emotional turmoil, hatred, and addiction the miracle of recovery begins in this Spadecaller Video entitled “Ex Obscurum” (From Darkness). Featuring original poetry narrated by the author and visual artist, Matthew Schwartz. Composer Samuel Barber’s powerful musical score, adopted for the movie Platoon, (Adagio for Strings) sets the background for this spiritual exodus “From Darkness.”
“Ex Obscurum”
“Remnants of my arrogance
Crumbles like ancient paper.
Why have me suffer this way?
Knowing I’m unable to lift myself up?
My dreams of grandeur are dead.
Glory is no mortal treasure;
Only a mirage for a lost soul.
Booze and drugs do not know my pain.
My body is failing.
My skin yellow, my vision dim.
I come to you burned and beaten.
Still clinging to these toxic vines,
The last rays of sunlight fading.
Is something or someone listening?
Hear my prayer:
Cut from me these twisted limbs.
Or, let me perish and be free at last.
I’ve failed at both life and death;
Must I wallow in this hideous morass,
Giving back nothing of any worth?
Death should have come many times past.
Why have you thwarted my retreat?
This is no pardon for a man like me.
To change I’ve tried, but look at me:
On the floor begging for eternal peace.
Begging you for one final breath.
Is this the mercy that befits your loving omnipotence?
Should I live one more moment of one more day,
Let it be free from hate.
Let it be unspoiled by fear,
Unencumbered by shameful lies.
Let it be imperfectly human.
To the power of all powers I come here now.
Spirit over all spirits I need your help.
You have always known,
When like a burning match my life was flickering.
No mere accident has kept this heart beating.
Could these odds persist year after perilous year?
No! To your power I surrender. But what now?
The black spots on this leopard are many.
Only a stroke from your sacred brush could change me.
To one knee, I lift my broken body.
Salty tears wet my parched lips.
My dingy railroad flat on Second Street glows.
The fog clears from my blurry eyes.
The burden of my regrets and guilt lift away.
Loneliness and despair evaporate,
Like a dewdrop in the midday sun,
A voice within me, but not within calls.
Like thunder after a passing storm
The rumbling echo speaks softly:
“You are never alone. I love you enough to let you suffer.
I love you enough to let you choose between
Light or darkness;
Love or hate.”
- Spadecaller
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