"It’s Not Us... It’s You"
USG, we need to talk...
by Joel Bowman
“A reasonable formula to fix the U.S. government:
Milei-style cuts, on steroids.”
~ Vivek Ramaswamy, co-captain, D.O.G.E.
"It’s that time of the season, dear reader... when the government teases us with the only threat we wish it would actually carry out: shutting itself down. Apparently, Congress was “scrambling” on Friday, writhing in desperation to avoid the unthinkable. From USA Today: "A government shutdown, which would leave thousands of federal employees furloughed with just days until Christmas and Hanukkah, will set in at midnight on Friday if Congress doesn't act.
The House on Thursday rejected a deal backed by President-elect Donald Trump that would have kept the government's doors open, with dozens of Republicans joining with Democrats and voting against the proposal. That bill was a slimmed-down version of a bipartisan plan to temporarily dodge a government shutdown, known as continuing resolution, that Trump and his allies torpedoed earlier in the week."
Forever with the eleventh-hour antics, the State is like a psychotic ex that promises to stop stalking its former lover...only to show up at the ex’s wedding, drunk and flirting with the busboy, to spoil the whole celebration. Free advice to American voters: get a restraining order... and a chainsaw!
We Need to Talk: After all, there comes a time in every relationship where both parties need to take stock of the situation, to look ahead down the long and winding road of life, and decide whether to go their separate ways... or to forge ahead, “for better or worse, ‘til death do us part.” And let’s be honest with our American friends, if we may...
Your government is not the intelligent, happy-go-lucky, heart throb with whom you began your budding romance. Bright-eyed and full of wit, your sparkling flame was once the life of the party. Polite but firm... coquettish yet nubile... honest and hardworking... and with oh so much potential... your sweetheart was the envy of the international ballroom. But now, two-and-a-half centuries on... frankly, she’s let herself go.
First, and most conspicuous, are those extra pounds. A little leniency over the Christmas period is understandable, of course, but we’re talking about $36 trillion in national debt... $107k per citizen, or $271k per taxpayer. And with over $1.8 trillion stacked on this year alone!
According to the Congressional Budget Office, the scales (if they hold) are set to tip $45 trillion by 2028. But even that estimate may be wishful thinking. At the current rate of increase, the corpulent figure is likely to weigh in at a belt-busting $50 trillion. At that plus-size, the federal interest on the debt alone will top $4.5 trillion. For reference, that was the size of the entire federal budget way back in...wait for it... 2019.
Moreover, that gluttonous trajectory assumes no recession, no trade war and no hot war between now and then. No late night binges on Capitol Hill... no new cookie dough Plandemic... no cupcake climate catastrophe... no “temporary emergency” of any kind to inspire the president to force feed tens of millions of hand-signed checks to US citizens, dead and alive.
It’s beyond morbid obesity. Beyond the reach of Ozempic. Well past Atkins, Keto and Paleo, too. It’s gotten to the stage where you aren’t invited to pool parties anymore. And yet, one suspects your partner’s porcine gorge-a-thon is symptomatic of something far deeper... a pathological self-loathing that requires much more than a fad diet or a magic pill. Alas, that’s not the only red flag...
Psycho Killer: It would be one thing if your plump paramour was at least charming... or even polite. And yet, there is scarcely a guest at the global party that has escaped her wicked war games. Since things started going downhill – say, after WWII – your formerly-amicable inamorata has turned into something of a maniacal killer, having bombed the following countries (many of them on multiple, and even ongoing, occasions)...
Afghanistan 1998, 2001
Bosnia 1994, 1995
Cambodia 1969-70
China 1945-46
Congo 1964
Cuba 1959-1961
El Salvador 1980s
Korea 1950-53
Guatemala 1954, 1960, 1967-69
Indonesia 1958
Laos 1964-73
Grenada 1983
Iraq 1991-2000s, 2015-
Iran 1987
Korea 1950-53
Kuwait 1991
Lebanon 1983, 1984
Libya 1986, 2011-
Nicaragua 1980s
Pakistan 2003, 2006-
Palestine 2010
Panama 1989
Peru 1965
Somalia 1993, 2007-08, 2010-
Sudan 1998
Syria 2014-
Vietnam 1961-73
Yemen 2002, 2009-
Yugoslavia 1999
It’s worth noting, if only in passing, that these nations represent nearly a third of the entire planet’s population. Is it any wonder those cocktail invitations have dried up? And that non-comprehensive list only takes us through 2020... before the latest death squads of US-made rockets, missiles and weapons of mass destruction darkened the skies across the known world.
To be clear, these are countries many of your fellow compatriots have little to no interest in and probably couldn’t find on a map in any case. Of course, when you arrive at the soirée with the military industrial complex on your arm, everyone begins to look like a target. Bombs gotta go somewhere, AmIRight?
With so much aforementioned weight to throw around, your beloved war hound currently spends more on the so-called “defense” budget than the next ten governments (China, Russia, India, Saudi Arabia, the United Kingdom, Germany, France, Japan and South Korea)... combined. To put it bluntly, your date is a boor... and a bellicose one at that!
You Deserve Better: All told, between welfare and warfare spending, this year’s budget weighed in at a whopping $6.75 trillion in federal outlays, including $1.46 trillion on Social Security for a socially insecure state and $900 billion in Healthcare for the sickest population on the planet. As for those interest payments on the debt, they rocketed past $1 trillion for the first time ever last year, and now dwarf both Medicare and defense spending.
Finally, and one hates to be indelicate when it comes to matters of indiscretion, especially given the frequency with which the messenger becomes the victim, your significant other has been spotted in, shall we say, “compromised” positions with Big Pharma, Big Food, Big Finance, Big Tech, Big Media... and in lustful embrace with so many other Big suitors that even Will Smith is beginning to cringe. Indeed, horrified onlookers have long ceased wondering as to where the loyalties of your once-faithful maiden lie. (Clue: Wherever she does!)
No, no, no. Avaricious... aggressive... adulterous... it simply won’t do. You deserve better, dear reader. It’s time to let go. To shut it down for good. When it comes to the liberty and prosperity of your once and future great nation, let Messrs. Musk and Ramaswamy deliver the news to the putrefied politicos on Capitol Hill, on behalf of the long-abused American people: “We the People to Congress: It’s not Us, it’s you!”
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