"Forgiveness: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore"
by John Wilder
"Each and every person has been wronged. Everyone, but the degree differs for everyone. Me? I have approximately three people on my “you’re so morally repugnant that I wouldn’t set them on fire if I were peeing on them” category. Or did I get that wrong. Whatever. In my entire life, only three people. I’m pretty sure two will drop off the list fairly soon, but it really takes a lot to get on that list.
But at least one of those people I’m fairly certain hasn’t thought of me in a few years. Yet, for a while I would wake up in the middle of the night and be angry at how I’d been wronged. There’s nothing worse than being mad an awake at 3 A.M., with the possible exception of having to watch Amy Schumer pretend to do comedy.
So, what did I do? I let it go, for several reasons. First, I’ve seen that karma is real and doesn’t have a sense of humor. Almost everyone who has wronged me in the past has come to great difficulties that my attorney advises me to tell you that I had nothing to do with, and that, besides, I was out of town that weekend.
I have to learn to get past my old grievances. It’s not for them, you see, it’s for me. That grief that the person caused me is done. Heck, they might not even know that they caused it in the first place. In most cases, the people who wrong us don’t care about us, at all. It’s less than personal. In general, when I share your problems, it helps me.
Grievances don’t count. Grievances aren’t one of those problems. I don’t know about you, but when a person is constantly bringing me down about things that happened years ago, the evil John Wilder that lives in my head often screams, “LET IT GO! Who is this complaining helping?”
Generally, no one. Yes, when a wound is raw, it’s fair to have others share the burden. But after a while, complaining about it makes it easy to stay stuck in the pain. That’s why I try to not complain. Fix a problem? Yes. Complain about something I can’t fix? No. Complaining makes me a victim. Now, there’s a person who wronged me, and I put myself in the place of a helpless victim. Tell me again how this is winning?
So, this is one I choke down and don’t share. In reality, it helps me. First, people don’t run away or throw themselves into woodchippers when I walk up to avoid hearing me whine. Second, it removes the subject from my mind, and eventually removes the power over me.
The Mrs. and I have talked about the power of forgiveness. The last time we talked, I was on the favor of, “Nah, they don’t deserve it.” The Mrs. was relatively constant, however, and I’ve rethought it. Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for me.
The rationale for this is simple: every time that I think of a tool who wronged me, it results in me being angry. Who is the only person who should create that emotion? Me. Yes, there are times I enjoy being angry. It’s like taking a shower in chocolate syrup, sure it’s fun once in a while, but I wouldn’t want to make a habit of it, mainly because of the yeast. But once in a while? Sure.
I have, in the last month, consciously let myself get angry because it felt good. But forgiveness allows me to get angry when I want to, and not every second of every day and be the emotional puppet of some other person, or worse, some event.
Yeah. An event. To be clear, if I stub my toe in the dark of night on the couch while going to get more vodka some water, does the couch care? No. The couch doesn’t care. Events don’t care – they just are. Being mad at events is has a similar impact to being mad at Tuesday. Just like that damn, lazy couch, Tuesday doesn’t care. It just is. Being mad at something in the past is understandable, but it doesn’t make any sense.
I can be mad about (spins wheel) the Franco-Prussian War, but, well, why? If I am mad at a situation the way to review it is to understand if I can change it or not. If I can’t change it, it’s merely a fact, like Tuesday or those damn raisins that keep existing no matter how much I hate their wrinkly expressions taunting me in my dreams.
If there’s a lesson from the past event, I pick it up. If there’s something I decide I need to change, I change. If I wouldn’t do anything different, well, what then? Being upset or angry is okay, but I’ve learned I have to let it go or it’ll eat me up inside, wreck my sleep, and make a situation I’m obviously not happy about worse.
I’ll leave vengeance on people that wronged me to the Manager, since He does that far better than I ever could. If it’s a situation or event and there’s nothing I can do, I have to let the Manager take care of that, too. I mean, that’s why He has a job, right?
Don’t avoid difficulty in your life, but don’t take negative situations or people that you can’t control and turn them into situations or people that control you, since I’m officially telling you that you don’t have to pee on them if they’re on fire, I mean, firemen don’t even do that."
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